New book challenges modern notions of intimacy and dependency in relationships

NEW YORK — Relationship therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab is challenging modern myths about human connection in her new book, "The Balancing Act," arguing that social skills must be learned through practice rather than isolation.

Tawwab contends that solitude does not provide the experience necessary to resolve conflicts or develop empathy for others. While popular dating advice often frames intimacy as a "tightrope walk" where being either too distant or too forward is a red flag, Tawwab suggests real growth happens only through active engagement.

The book also redefines the concept of "dependency," pushing back against a modern culture that prizes absolute independence. Tawwab argues that "healthy dependency"—the ability to rely on a support system—is a vital necessity.

Additionally, the author notes that an individual's attachment style is not fixed and can change depending on the specific relationship. She encourages people to remain curious about their instincts instead of following them blindly.

In "The Balancing Act," Nedra Glover Tawwab provides a critical counter-narrative to the "pop psychology" trends currently dominating social media discourse. Over the past several years, nuanced psychological frameworks—including attachment theory, "love-bombing," and "enmeshment"—have been increasingly distilled into rigid labels and "red flags." This reductionist approach has inadvertently fostered a generation of daters characterized by chronic anxiety and a pathological fear of interdependence, despite the latter being a fundamental component of human connection.

Tawwab’s analysis does not dismiss the existence of toxic dynamics; rather, it introduces a necessary equilibrium. She posits that hyper-independence acts as a barrier to intimacy just as effectively as over-dependence. This argument directly challenges the prevailing Western self-help ideology, which frequently conflates the need for external support with personal weakness.

By framing relational skills as competencies forged through experience—extending to non-romantic environments such as the workplace—Tawwab advocates for a more pragmatic behavioral model. Rather than pursuing "perfection" in isolation, she encourages social engagement as a form of iterative practice. This perspective is particularly salient in the current climate of social fragmentation, where individuals increasingly seek algorithmic formulas and rigid rules to navigate the inherent complexities of human interaction.

In Vietnamese-American households, Western psychological concepts like "personal boundaries" and "healthy interdependence" often spark complex, sometimes fraught, conversations. Traditional Vietnamese culture prizes collective cohesion and filial sacrifice—traits that modern clinical psychology might pathologize as "enmeshment." For the younger generation, Nedra Glover Tawwab’s frameworks offer a vital toolkit for asserting independence and navigating relationships by Western standards. Yet, this shift often triggers a profound generational divide; what a young professional might see as a healthy boundary, a parent who spent years navigating the F2B visa process or building a life in the nail salon industry might perceive as selfishness or a lack of respect. While these books provide a necessary vocabulary for understanding family dynamics, applying them requires cultural nuance to bridge the gap between the traditional values of Little Saigon and the individualistic realities of modern American life.