As California considers budget cuts that could affect childcare systems and child care support in 2026, many Vietnamese American families here — and across the United States — already have a ready-made solution that requires no waiting for policy changes: grandparents at home. This is not by chance. It is culture, it is history, and it is a family support system that has operated across many generations.
This article explains the true role of grandparents in Vietnamese American families — from daily childcare to teaching Vietnamese language and preserving cultural identity — along with the generational challenges that both grandparents and their descendants are facing.
Grandparents, even if they cannot speak English, even if they do not know how to use smartphones — are the ones who hold the most important parts of the family story.
Grandparents are not "babysitters" — they are pillars
In the Vietnamese American community, the image of a grandmother picking up a grandchild from school, cooking rice porridge when the child is sick, or a grandfather sitting down to teach a grandchild to read Vietnamese in the evening — these are not exceptions. These are normal occurrences.
According to data from the Pew Research Center in 2023, approximately 23% of Asian American children in the United States live in multigenerational households with grandparents. This figure is significantly higher than the national average of 18%.
For Vietnamese families, this percentage is even higher, particularly in large communities such as Little Saigon in Orange County, San Jose, Houston, or suburban areas near Washington D.C. in Virginia. Many families sponsor their parents to come to the United States under the IR-5 visa category (a visa for parents of U.S. citizens), and the presence of grandparents becomes part of the family plan before they even board the plane.
Three core roles of grandparents in Vietnamese American families
Role one: Childcare as an alternative to daycare centers
Childcare costs in the United States are not inexpensive. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics in 2024, average childcare costs in California can reach 1,500 to 2,500 USD per month for a young child under 5 years old — equivalent to a rent payment.
Therefore, when grandparents agree to live together and help care for grandchildren, it is a real economic contribution, not merely "helping the family." For many young Vietnamese couples working double shifts, running nail salons, or in startup phases, the presence of grandparents is the condition that allows them to go to work every day.
Role two: Preserving Vietnamese language and cultural identity
This is the least talked about role but has the longest-lasting impact.
Imagine it this way: mom and dad are busy working from morning to night, speaking English at the office, coming home tired wanting only to rest. A child grows up primarily with school language — English. But if grandmother lives at home, speaking with the grandchild in Vietnamese every day, telling Vietnamese fairy tales, teaching the grandchild how to observe ancestral worship or celebrate Tet the proper way — then that child grows up with a cultural foundation that no classroom can replace.
According to a study by the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) on Southeast Asian American children published in 2022, children with regular exposure to grandparents who speak their native language are 2.5 times more likely to maintain heritage language compared to children without such exposure.
Role three: An emotional bridge between generations
Grandparents are usually the only ones in the household not dominated by the pressures of daily work or financial concerns. They have time — something that immigrant generation parents often lack the most. And because of this, they become the listener, the mediator, the one who maintains the "emotional temperature" for the entire family.
Many young Vietnamese Americans growing up here say they share more with grandmother than with their parents — not because their parents are not good, but because grandmother does not judge, does not compare, only listens and loves.
Real challenges: When two worlds collide
The role of grandparents is not always smooth. Living in American society, where values of individual independence, family boundaries, and parenting methods sometimes differ significantly from traditional Vietnamese perspectives — tension is difficult to avoid.
Several common conflicts that many Vietnamese American families experience:
- Grandparents want to feed grandchildren on a schedule and in traditional portions; parents want to follow pediatrician guidelines.
- Grandparents are accustomed to scolding or using stricter discipline; parents worry about the line between discipline and what U.S. law considers inappropriate for children.
- Grandparents feel disrespected when children "do not listen"; children feel pressured when their parenting decisions are interfered with.
These conflicts do not mean the multigenerational family model has failed. They simply mean negotiation is needed — and need to be discussed frankly, not endured in silence.
When grandparents also need support
One thing rarely mentioned: caring for grandchildren is not without its cost — particularly for the physical and mental health of the grandparents themselves.
Many elderly people who came to the United States on sponsorship from Vietnam arrived at ages 60 to 70, unable to speak English, without a driver's license, without friends or social networks. They are almost entirely dependent on their children. Meanwhile, they still bear the responsibility of caring for grandchildren every day.
According to the National Institute on Aging, elderly people serving as primary caregivers have significantly higher risk of depression and caregiver burnout compared to those not in this role.
Grandchildren — no matter how busy — need to remember that grandparents also need to be checked on, taken to doctor appointments, have time for themselves. This is not gratitude in a formal sense. This is the condition for this model to operate sustainably.
How to make the multigenerational model work better
There is no perfect formula, but Vietnamese families in the United States that are doing well usually have a few things in common:
- State expectations clearly from the start — how many hours per day grandparents will care for grandchildren, which decisions belong to parents and which decisions grandparents have a say in.
- Ensure grandparents have a social life — however small. Many Buddhist temples and Vietnamese Catholic churches in the United States have activity groups for elderly people; these are important sources of connection.
- Consider local caregiver support programs. For example, the California Department of Aging has the IHSS (In-Home Supportive Services) program that supports some in-home care services for eligible elderly people.
- If there are major conflicts about parenting methods, some Vietnamese American community organizations such as Vietnamese American Services in major cities provide family counseling in Vietnamese — so you do not have to solve it alone.
The third generation is viewing grandparents differently
Something interesting is happening in the Vietnamese American community: the younger generation — those who grew up here and are now adults — are beginning to view their grandparents differently.
Many of them, after attending college and encountering a wider world, have returned and realized that what grandparents passed down — Vietnamese language, cooking recipes, the way to worship ancestors, stories about the homeland — are things that cannot be bought or learned from books.
Grandparents, even if they cannot speak English, even if they do not know how to use smartphones — are the ones who hold the most important parts of the family story. And when they pass away, those parts pass away with them.
This is not a reason to be pessimistic. This is a reason to cherish — and to ask one more story, while there is still time.