In many Vietnamese families, money is often treated as a sensitive topic — people are willing to sit for hours discussing their children's education, but when it comes to income or debt, everyone falls silent. That silence can have real consequences: parents retire without savings for their old age, children carry hidden debts, families are blindsided when someone passes away without a will or insurance.
This article will help you understand why Vietnamese people often find it difficult to discuss money, and more importantly — how to start those conversations in a practical, stress-free way that benefits the whole family.
When people feel they are being asked about, not examined, they are much more likely to open up about family finances.
Why Do Vietnamese People Avoid Talking About Money?
There are several very specific cultural reasons.
First, money is tied to face-saving. Saying you're struggling is easily interpreted as failure. Conversely, bragging about income is seen as arrogant. So people choose to say nothing at all.
Second, the parent generation — especially those who lived through war or escaped the country — tend to keep financial information private for safety reasons. The belief that "parents should worry, children don't need to know" has deeply taken root in many families.
Third, in the Vietnamese American community, there's an additional layer of complexity: financial disparities between generations. Children often earn more than their parents thanks to education and opportunities in America, but the role of "children must obey" makes talking about money awkward — who has the right to make decisions?
Real Risks When Families Don't Talk About Money
It's not just about embarrassment — there are very real financial consequences.
No retirement plan for parents: According to AARP data from 2024, more than 40% of Asian Americans don't have sufficient retirement savings to cover living expenses after leaving the workforce. In the Vietnamese community, many parents still rely on their children — but no one in the house knows the exact numbers.
Silent debt: Someone in the family borrows money — credit card debt, personal loans, even loan sharks — and nobody knows. When it defaults, the whole family is shocked.
No will or power of attorney: According to the American Bar Association, about 60% of American adults don't have a will. This number is even higher in immigrant communities. When someone dies without a will, assets may be divided according to state law — not according to the family's wishes.
Missed opportunities to optimize taxes and benefits: If families don't know each other's income and assets, they easily miss opportunities like filing taxes jointly, transferring assets to children before death to minimize estate taxes, or registering for Medicare and Medicaid at the right time.
Where to Start? The First Conversation
No one needs to immediately sit down and share their entire salary. Instead, start with small conversations that have clear objectives.
Choose the right time and place: Don't bring up finances during Tet or when someone is stressed. A relaxed morning, or after the family has finished dinner, is usually a better time to talk.
Use an outside event as a "reason": Instead of saying directly "I want to know how much money you have saved," try: "I just read an article about retirement — a lot of people aren't prepared. Should we talk about this?" This feels less like an interrogation.
Focus on concerns, not numbers: The question "How would you like to arrange things if you needed care someday?" is less threatening than "How much money do you have in your account?". When people feel they're being asked about, not examined, they open up more.
Family Financial Topics That Need to Be Discussed
When the family is ready to have a real conversation, here are topics that should be on the agenda — not necessarily all solved in one sitting.
| Topic | Why It Matters | Who Should Participate |
|---|---|---|
| Retirement savings | Know if parents have enough to live on, whether children need to support them | Parents, adult children |
| Will and power of attorney | Avoid asset disputes, ensure wishes are respected | Entire family |
| Life insurance | Who benefits? Is the coverage amount sufficient? | Parents, spouse |
| Individual debts | Prevent personal debt from becoming a family burden | All adults |
| Plan to support parents | How much do children contribute monthly? Who handles what? | Siblings, parents |
| Credit score and shared assets | Especially important if buying property together or taking shared loans | Spouses, or children and parents |
Making a Joint Financial Plan: Practical Steps
Once you've talked and have the big picture, the next step is to make a plan.
Step 1 — Create a net worth snapshot: Each adult in the family should write down their own: bank accounts, savings, real estate, credit card debt, loans. They don't need to share everything immediately, but at least each person should know their own numbers.
Step 2 — Clarify who handles what: If children are supporting parents monthly, state the amount clearly — don't let everyone interpret it differently. For example: one sibling handles housing costs, another handles groceries, or both contribute to a shared account for family expenses.
Step 3 — Set up a family emergency fund: According to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB), each household should have at least 3 to 6 months of living expenses in an accessible savings account. For multi-generational families, this number should include additional medical expenses for elderly members.
Step 4 — Consult with a financial professional: A consultation with a financial planner or estate attorney can help families avoid many legal complications later. If you're concerned about language barriers, find a Vietnamese-speaking professional — major cities like Houston, San Jose, and Little Saigon (Garden Grove, California) typically have these services.
Special Considerations for Vietnamese American Families
There are specific situations unique to the Vietnamese American community that many families haven't considered.
Sending money back to Vietnam (remittance): Many families regularly support relatives in Vietnam. According to the World Bank, Vietnam receives about 16 billion dollars in remittances annually, much of it from the Vietnamese American community. This is an expense that should be clearly included in the family budget — it shouldn't remain "hidden" and damage retirement savings or emergency funds.
Sponsoring relatives and financial responsibility: If you're sponsoring parents or relatives to come to America under the I-130 visa category, you must sign the Affidavit of Support (Form I-864), pledging financial support according to USCIS regulations. This creates a real legal obligation — not just a moral responsibility — and needs to be included in the family financial plan.
Assets in two countries: Some families own land or property in both Vietnam and America. It's important to understand that inheritance laws and taxes in the two countries are completely different. Property in Vietnam is governed by Vietnam's Civil Code, not American law.
Tips for Maintaining the Habit of Talking About Money
One conversation isn't enough — this needs to be an ongoing habit.
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Schedule a "family financial meeting" once a year, for example at the beginning of the calendar year or after Tet.
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Use major life events — a child going to college, the family buying a house, parents reaching retirement age — as opportunities to update the plan.
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Write down agreements in writing, even if it's just an email or phone note. Human memory fades over time, especially when something happens.
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If siblings disagree about how to divide financial responsibilities, ask a neutral third party — perhaps a respected family member or a family counselor.
Talking about money in a family isn't about being insensitive or disrespectful. On the contrary, it's the most practical way to show care and responsibility for each other. Starting early, even with just one small question, is better than waiting until a crisis forces the conversation.